Wow. I was trying to draw last night... got a free download of a Current 93 song I'd been thirsting for and a last.fm giveaway Moby track and got doodly. Comparing that (which I was actually putting decent effort into, or so I thought) to this older stuff on my account... I have lost so much skill and innovation over the time my hands and mind have spent inactive.

It's very intimidating for me.

When I was really into fitness and weight training (fell off the bandwagon due to personal problems... I'll be back there with the best of 'em), my old personal trainer said that once you'd built muscle, if you lost it it was much easier to build the second time than the first because people's bodies have a kind of 'muscle memory'. I'm praying that there's some kind of 'art/creativity memory'... and that if I stick with this, I'll gain my lost skill back more quickly than it took to acquire initially... At least I hope.

I keep wondering why this happened; why I hit this block out of nowhere. Maybe I'm not some prodigy or anything decidedly special in the way of artwork, but it was something that I had loved my entire life... and something I dedicated a lot of time towards pursuing. And then, seemingly out of the blue, I just... stopped. I stopped wanting to do it.

It's a puzzler, let me tell you. And I don't feel quite right about it. But, hopefully with the spare time that my summer work period (can't really call it a break) provides, I might be able to find something of what I lost... rebuild some of that skill and hopefully retrieve a little passion!

Let's hope anyways! Just thinking in typing... can't really call it out loud, but you know.